The beauty in imperfection

I'll be the first person to admit that I haven't been going to mass every Sunday lately. I admitted to that in my last post, actually.After that last post I promised myself that I would stop making up excuses to miss mass, no matter what the circumstances are. This week, I luckily kept my promise and heard the gospel that I really needed to hear. 

Today's gospel was the parable of the lost son. In the parable, a father has two sons. The younger son goes to his father and asks for his share of the inheritance, which his father gives to him without question, and then he leaves. The son squandered his money, and soon the distant land he had traveled to became stricken by a great famine. This famine caused the son to experience great loss and hunger, and he resorted to working in the same way he would have on his father's own farm, except that on this farm he did not receive at all what he would have had he stayed with his father. 

The son then decides to return to his father for forgiveness, knowing that he was unworthy. Then, something miraculous happens, his father sees him approaching from far off, and runs to him and embraces him with love. The son explains to his father how sorry he is, and without question the father decides that even after all his son has done to him, it is time for a celebration. Celebration is necessary because his son once was lost, and now he is found. 

I don't know about you, but I have a hard time forgiving people once they have done something to sever our relationship, and this is usually over something silly, like telling me the biggest secrets of my favorite TV show. (I know, I know, very stupid.) As I write this post I'm sitting in the CC's on Perkins road, and a man just walked in and asked each person within the building if they could spare three dollars. The man was obviously homeless. I wish I could tell you that I gave him something... but I did not. All I could do after he left was watch him walk down Perkins road with his small Walmart bag containing a box of cereal and a B-quick cup and wonder where he was going... wonder if he has someone to care for him... and wonder if he knows that there is a God who loves him and cares about him and truly cherishes him. How could he know this though, if I call myself a Christian and didn't do a single thing to help him. I don't believe in giving homeless people money for various reasons, but I could have bought him something to eat. I could have done something. I'm not making this up, and I'm taking as a sign from God to help me write the rest of this post. I don't know what happened in this man's life, I don't know where he came from, and I don't even know if he has a family. Since I passed up the opportunity to help him though, all I can do now is pray for him and hope someone else will have the courage to do what I did not. 

I suppose the way that this happening ties into my post is like this. Life is too short to not forgive. Maybe this man came from a normal home, with a normal family, attended a normal school, and his life just took a bad turn like many others. (I won't try to define "normal" here, that's a whole post for another day.) All I know is that any one of you reading this post could end up like that poor man one day. Alone and afraid. We never know what turn our life may take at any given moment, so why should we waste it away holding grudges over silly, or even serious things? 

Another part of the gospel today was the story of a Sheppard who leaves his heard of 99 sheep in the middle of the desert, to go out and find his one that was lost, just like God does for us. Even when we are lost, far away from Christ, or whatever the circumstances may be, he will always find us. Even though we are the ones who have to stretch out our hands, his hands are already there waiting to hold us. Just like the hands of the father when his son returned to him at last. 

This gospel could be understood in two retrospects. One, the obvious, that God truly cherishes us and rejoices over our expressed love for him even when we have chosen to distance ourself from him. The beauty in our imperfection is that even when we fail, Christ is waiting with open arms to receive us again.The other, that we need to work on forgiveness ourselves. We are called to forgive as Christ does. We are called to help those in need. 

The reason that I am so mad at myself for not helping this man is quite simple. I understand that it's dangerous for a girl my age to interact with a homeless man, considering that I don't know what he is capable of, but in Romania I would have not hesitated for an instant if anyone asked for my help. I was so ready to give everything I had to help the people there, but I couldn't even do something as simple as buying this man a bite to eat. I understand that the circumstances are different when your not in an an extremely impoverished country, but I could have done SOMETHING. I'm so ashamed of myself for not helping this man because I profess love and help for those in need, but when it came down to actually doing it, I was scared and afraid and nervous to help this man, and most of all I was hypocritical. Something that I HATE. I was hypocritical because I am always so willing to help with Romania, but when faced with poverty in my own country I chose not to help. 

All I can do is hope and pray that in these months remaining before I leave again, I can really grow in my faith and reach the point that I do not stereotype people like I did to this man. God is showing me so much though these experiences, and this journey is truly a blessing. I pray that we can all grow in our relationships with Christ, and I pray that we can all (Including myself) separate oursleves from the stereotypes that our society places on those who are in more need than any other. If you are finding yourself in the same situation as me, I suggest that you listen to the words of this song and really ask that God inspire you to make a difference in the life of someone. It came on Pandora while I was writing this post, God is just SO FUNNY! :) 

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA6lC40Dlf0)

And I'll leave you all with this quote by Mother Teresa:

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

- Katie :) 

Daily bread

Recently, I've been finding myself more and more distant from Christ. Which is ironic, considering now is one of the times in my life that I need Christ more than anything. It's senior year, and I'm making decisions that decide what path I will embark on for the rest of my life. 

You see, I'm not purposefully choosing to distance myself from God. It's just that I'm finding myself busier than ever. My plate is filled with school, family, friends, college craziness, ACT, social media, and that's just the beginning of the list. So, in the mist of all these things, God always seems to get pushed to the end of the list. Again, not intentionally, it just seems to happen. For instance, after spending a weekend with my family and friends, I'm left with piles of homework on a Sunday. So of course I make up the inadequate excuse that I simply don't have the time to make it to church. Or if I don't have homework, I make up some other excuse to keep from going to church. 

So I'm left with this question: WHY? 

Why am I putting everything else in my life before Christ while Christ is yearning for me to pay attention to him? 

A priest once told me during reconciliation that we should treat God like a boyfriend. After I got over being completely weirded out over the fact that a priest just told me to treat God as my boyfriend, I began to really listen to what he was telling me. Think of it like this: Imagine your best friend or significant other. What happens when you don't text or call them all day? They get upset, right? Now, what if you don't contact them for an entire week, they'd think that something's wrong or that you're hurt or even dead. Imagine the worry that they go through during this week, imagine the hurt they experience. 

God feels the same pain. 

I guess it's kind of like the saying, "The Bible is meant to be daily bread, not wine for special occasions." If we devoted as much time to God as we do to our friends, significant others, or social lives, how much more fulfilled would we be? Christ truly wants to be our best friends. He already knows how we feel when we are upset, he already knows how mad that person made you, he already knows the depths of our hearts and all that affects us. He knows, and yet he yearns for us to share our ever trial and joy with him, because he wants to have a truly intimate relationship with us. God wants us to speak to him all the time, not just when things are great, and not just when things are bad. If we did this, instead of waiting until everything comes crashing down, wouldn't that make the crash much more padded? 

I'm not saying that God will take away all of your struggles if you devote more time to him, but his presence in your life certainly makes the rising and falling much more pleasant.  

I guess I'm preaching to the choir here, since I'm the one who really needs to take all of this advice. All I know is that I really need to start taking that father's advice, and I hope that I can encourage you all to do the same. Not only do I need God to guide me through this final year of high school, I need him to lead me through this journey to make my way back to Romania. I hope and pray that we can all begin to make God our daily bread, not just our wine for special occasions. 

Isaiah 58:11 

And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. 

-Katie :)

Who's to blame?

It's amazing what happens when I start thinking! Blog posts just come flooding to my mind! This idea, however, came to me this morning in my Theology and film class. We just finished watching the film The Color Purple. I, being the cry baby that I am, was holding back tears the entire movie. So at the end of the film I may have let a few tears slip, because it is just so perfect and wonderful and all of those other synonyms for the word amazing. 

For those of you who don't know, The Color Purple a movie that tells the story of a bond between two African American sisters who are torn apart from each other during their teenage years. They both suffer a harsh life, filled with sexual, physical, and mental abuse from the men in their lives. I won't give anything away, in case you haven't seen the movie, but there's a short gist. 

So following the end of the movie, our teacher had a reflection set up for us. One of our questions was, "Do you think God is responsible for the harm caused in these women's lives?" 

Wow. 

Answering this question was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. It's amazing how quick I am to blame God for the things that go wrong in my life, but when face to face with the question, my immediate answer was of course, "No."  My answer was no, but like I said, when it's my life I never hesitate to place the blame in God's hands and get angry with him. 

It's this question that got the rusty gears in my brain turning again. I began to think how ironic it is that we as humans ask SO much of God, and he provides bountifully, yet we are so quick to blame him for every one of our misfortunes. I'm not trying to say that it's not okay to get angry with God, everyone does every once in a while. The problem is developed when we think that God single-handedly places horrible struggles in our lives. 

I'm not trying to answer some major philosophical question here, but I have a difficult time believing that God sits up there and says, "Hmm... today I think I'm gonna send some cancer down to Helen, ooooh and I think Carla is going to have a bad day today, and oh then there's Jeremy, I think it's time for him to get injured at work." That just can't be how it happens. 

Have you ever stopped to realize that those who cause us the most pain in our lives are often the ones who have experienced great pain and grief in their own life? For those of you who have seen the movie, Albert is a perfect example of someone who repays his own grief onto others. Albert was raised being taught to treat women with disrespect, but he spent his whole life chasing the woman of his dreams, Shug Avery. Since Albert could not have Shug, he settled for Celie. This settling left Celie to live up to Shug's glory that was established in Albert's mind. Albert suffered great pain for not being the man who Shug wanted, and Celie suffered great pain for not being the woman that Albert wanted. You see, it's a cycle of disappointment, a feeling of not living up to someone else's expectations, and the cycle of hatred that follows.  

So, answering the question. As often as I blame God for the wrong turns in my life, I still had to answer the question with a stern, "No." You see, I live in a house, I have a loving family, I attend an excellent school, and I have three meals a day with snacks in between. I have all of these things, yet I am still so quick to blame.

Thinking of all these things led me to remember my friends across the globe in Romania. Those families who were homeless, had no food, no healthcare, no diapers for their children, no anything. These people have nothing, and yet they have everything. They do not blame God for their lack of wealth, they praise him for their small treasures. I saw the faces of children rejoice over something as simple as a coloring book, and the face of someone who cared about them. They rejoice when there is dinner on the table, and I complain when I've had two meals already and I don't like what my grandfather has prepared for dinner. I really do hope that I can one day have faith such as theirs, and rejoice over every high and low in my life. 

What I'm getting at here, is that my reason for answering, "No," to the question, is that I do not believe that God is responsible for misfortune. I believe that people do horrible things because they have once had unthinkable things done to them as well. These people dong horrible things, are so distant from Christ. It's this distance from God that causes unthinkable things to be done. So I'm going to start making a conscious effort to remember that when someone hurts me, that they may be suffering great pain and grief  behind the wall they assemble to masque their own problems as well. I'm going to try really try to praise God in the storms of my own life, and remember that there are those who have so much less than me and have so much genuine faith. So next time I return to Romania, I can return with a cleansed heart, ready to share all of my new found love! I hope and pray that I can encourage all of you to take on the same challenge in your life! 

"We love because he first loved us." 

John 4:19 

Peace and Blessings,

Katie :) 

God doesn't call the equipped

I've been thinking lately... and I've come to realize how often individuals believe that they are incapable of achieving or completing a larger than life task. How wrong is that!? We serve a larger than life God, so why would we, hand crafted in his divine image, believe that we are incapable of completing ANY task? "God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called."

 Take Moses for example. Moses is minding his own business, tending to his sheep one day. All of a sudden God becomes present to him through a burning bush, and asks him to complete the Exodus, to free and lead his people out of Egypt. Here is Moses, a murderer and poor speaker, and God is asking him to complete one of the tasks that lays the foundation for the rest of Christianity as we know it. Just like we usually do, Moses responds to God by telling him that he is simply not the man for the job. You know how the story goes though, Moses goes on to lead God's people out of Egypt and into the promised land. 

Or how about Peter? Peter, the man who denies Jesus three times, becomes the leader of the church following Jesus'crucifixion. Jesus hands the keys of the church to Peter, How amazing is that!? 

There is, however, one brave woman who never questions God's will for her. Mary. Mary, a young teenage girl, is asked to give birth to the savior of the universe. The key word here is, "Asked." Mary could have told the angel no, she could have responded by saying that she is just too incapable, but Mary chose to say yes. Mary chose to do what I only hope I can have enough courage to do in my life. Mary said yes to the call of God. 

It's fairly simple, why I'm doing what I'm doing. All I know is that there are people in Romania: Living, breathing, human beings, who are not actually living at all. They are not living because they are crippled by the seemingly never ending cycle of poverty. What I also know is that the prosperity of our society should be based off of how well our poor population is fairing, not by how well our rich are fairing. If this is the case, then I can not and will not rest until every one of those people there know and understand that there is a God who truly cares about them, and there is a me that truly cares about them. I know that by returning to my new found friends there, I will make a lasting impression in God's name for them. This lasting impression will be more than delivered supplies to families or shelter to the homeless. This impression will be the smile on a child's face, the health of an elderly man, and the knowledge of a loving God. 

What this whole tyrant boils down to, is that every time I explain to someone what I am doing by selling these bracelets, they are ecstatic for me! .....At least until they hear me say that I will have to sell 600 bracelets to meet my goal, then they just politely smile and nod. Hey, is selling 600 bracelets in between now and April ambitious? OF COURSE IT IS! I choose to look at my goal from Mary's perspective though. While 600 bracelets is a lot of time, effort, and work, I know that as long as my heart is in the right place, I can do anything through my God. (Philippians 4:13) If my God can help Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt, Peter become the leader of the church, and heal the lepers, then I am sure I can make and sell 600 bracelets and make it back to Romania to leave my lasting impression. 

So, once again, I say thank you to everyone who has offered their moral support to me on this journey! I pray that we can all have the courage to say yes to God's will, like our Holy Mother Mary. 

Peace & Blessings,

Katie :) 

How it all got started

How it all got started 

Last year I was blessed beyond anything I had ever imagined to be able to travel to Romania through the Smiles Foundation. The things I saw while traveling through the beautiful country allowed me to truly understand that being poor is to lack a holistic relationship with Christ. I thought I was traveling to Romania to help the poor and neglected, but I had no idea what I was in for. I learned that the beautiful people there were richer than I could ever hope to be. They have nothing, and yet they have everything! They have that relationship with Christ that only few people in this world ever achieve, because even though they may be poor by our societies standards today, they have a true insight as to what it means to be eternally rich. Leaving these people was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and on the way home I decided that I simply HAD to make it back. Last trip, my grandfather traveled with me and was generous enough to pay for my part in the trip. This time around, I am determined to raise the money for myself!  So I am proud to announce that with the help of some of my family and friends, I will be making and selling Romania-flag inspired friendship bracelets to help raise the funds I will need to hopefully journey back this summer. I will need to sell around 600 bracelets between now and late April, so you can help me out in a number of different ways. First, of course, buy a bracelet or make a donation! The bracelets will sell for $5 each. Second, you could like my page on Facebook and share it with your own friends! (www.Facebook.com/helpkatiespreadsmiles) Thirdly, you can continue to check my blog throughout the year for updates and more!  600 is a long way to go, but I am confident that through hard work, determination, the help of my family and friends, and God at my side, that I can meet this goal and soon be back in Romania helping spread smiles to the communities there. Thanks everyone for visiting my blog! 

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." - Mother Teresa 

-Katie :)