***First, I would like to make it known to all who stumble
across this post, that this is meant in NO way, shape, or form, to be an
article opposing Greek life or the beautiful women and men of this community. I
have many, many close friends who are Greek and I have seen first hand the way
that it has greatly influenced their lives in so many outstanding ways. It is
simply meant to be there for the young lady who finds herself in the same
position that I did 8 months ago.
Every little girl has an inherent want, desire, and NEED to
be loved- something I see often as a nanny. If she falls and scrapes her knee,
she wants YOU to hold her and kiss the boo-boo. If she is playing hide and go
seek, she wants YOU to find her. If she brings home a new painting from school,
she wants YOU to be excited and tell her how beautiful it is. This beautiful
desire doesn’t simply cease once a young girl ages, and in some ways it only
grows stronger. As senior year comes to an end and college approaches, many
high school girls find themselves in a tizzy of both excitement and fear-
longing to be desired by almost total strangers. Sorority recruitment! They
spend their days shopping for the perfect dresses, they spend their nights
wondering how they will wear their hair, and they spend countless moments
wondering which sorority they will soon join. It is both a wonderful/exciting
and nerve-wracking/ terrifying anticipation. And I was one of these girls.
I ultimately decided not to go through with recruitment my
freshman year of college for a few reasons. I wanted to get settled, find my
classes, figure out how to actually do college, and in all honesty, I was
afraid. My greatest fear in the entire process was the fear of rejection. What
if I didn’t get a bid? What if I felt uncomfortable? What if it took away from
my grades? What if I just didn’t like it? All fears that were quickly
diminished over the course of my freshman year. After meeting a plethora of
Greek women, some of whom I now call my best friends, I decided that my fears
were nothing compared to the regret I might face in several years if I decided
not to give rush a try at all. Just like that, I placed all of my fears,
worries, and excitement in the hands of God. I prayed, “Lord, if this is your
will for me then let it be. I only want what will bring me closer to you.” You
see, I didn’t want anything in my life that would separate me from him, and
after seeing so many of my friends GROW
in their faith through their sisterhoods, I decided I had to try.
Over the summer I continued to pray that same prayer over,
and over again. God already knew my future, and he was preparing me for
something so hard, so challenging, and yet- so fulfilling. My school held
recruitment over Labor Day week/weekend, so I arrived on Thursday ready as I’d
ever be in my best-dressed attire. After day one, I knew that there were a few
houses I liked. I watched my list get shorter and shorter as the weekend went
on, but every day there was one house on my list that shined brighter to me
than all the rest- the one that I really loved. I returned to this house every
day knowing fully that it felt like home. I did my best to “TTP,” (Trust the
process) and not get my hopes up, but anyone who has gone through recruitment
knows that this is easier said than done! When you love one- you just know it.
You feel it when you walk through the doors and you know that you would be so
happy in that house.
Since we had a short amount of time for recruitment, my
school held preference day and bid day together on Sunday. I arrived on
preference morning in my freshly ironed dress, perfectly curled hair, and shiny
heels with butterflies in my stomach. When my gamma chi called me into the
hallway to read me my list of houses who wanted me to return for preference,
the house I loved was gone. I thought I was going to throw up. I immediately
felt tears well in the back of my eyes and I couldn’t talk without letting them
fall. I asked my gamma chi if I could withdraw after everyone left the room and
she said of course, but I barely heard her finish her sentence because I was
already turned heading for the bathroom. The tears started to fall and I was
so, incredibly angry with myself. “WHY are you crying!? It’s not that big of a
deal. It wasn’t meant to be. Pick yourself up. Hold yourself together. Come on-
Katie. Go back in there” I was hoping that my tears were quiet, but apparently
another girl in the bathroom heard. She asked, “Um, Hi! I don’t know who you
are, but would you mind if I pray for you?” I muttered something that I still
hope sounded like a yes, gathered myself, and returned to my room not even
realizing that blessing God was sending me through her.
When I look back on this experience, every single time, I
realize another blessing that God was showering upon me- one of the biggest
being my gamma chi. I returned to my room to find her waiting with my withdraw
slip. As custom, she had to ask me if I’m sure that this is really what I
wanted to do. The tears started to fall again as she started to tell me her own
story. She, just like myself, had gone through rush and not gotten the house(s)
she wanted. And y’all- this girl. Beautiful. Smart. Athletic. Authentic. I was
baffled. HOW!? She went on to explain how discouraged and unwanted she felt-
and how it consumed her at first. Then, she told me that she realized one day
it was time to stop. She eventually went on to rush again and got the sorority
she is in today- an experience she wouldn’t have changed. But before that,
before the happiness, she had to decide that there was a time to stop being
sad- something that I was nowhere near ready for. (But it would come with
time.) I said thank you, and promised her that I wouldn’t let it get to me for
too long. When I returned to my car the tears didn’t stop. In fact, they didn’t
stop for the rest of the day.
When I finally decided it was time to pray, it hurt. It hurt
deep. I cried out to God in such ANGER. WHY? Why didn’t I get what these other
girls did? Why didn’t I find my home? My sisters? Why was he doing this? Why
wasn’t this great desire of my heart met? It’s something that I wanted to
understand overnight. But we all know that God doesn’t work on time lines, and
I still don’t fully understand why I don’t sport Greek letters today. And that
is O K A Y!
What this experience taught me, what it did for me, was lead
me closer to Christ. When all of my hope was taken, when all of my worst fears
had been affirmed, it felt as though I had nothing left. I was brought to the
foot of his cross. Crying out for understanding. Begging for healing. Longing
for HIM to hold me and enlighten me. And the healing did not come quick. For a
while, I was bitter. I was angry. I was hurt. And that was all okay. I still
have feelings to process- I’m still growing from this experience that I now
consider a great blessing. I know and understand that there are things in this
world far worse than my feeling of rejection, but I am also a firm believer in
the fact that it does no good to minimize the pain of another. God still sees
it all.
So what do I want you to get from this post? Whether you are
Greek or not Greek, 12 years old or 50 years old, pink or purple, male or
female, we all face the deep pain of rejection. We all, at some point in our
lives, feel unwanted. Jesus himself- was betrayed by his best friends, everyone he had ever loved abandoned him, the people he chose to die for nailed him to a cross, and he still chose to die for our sins. This doesn’t
mean that we live our lives in fear- hiding in the closet afraid to live or
take chances. It means we live a life trusting him and his plan for us. He
chooses us; he chooses YOU, every single time. He pursues your heart till the
very end. He speaks these beautiful, comforting words to us, “Come to me, all you who are weary
and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For
my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (MT 11:28-30) In all of our pain, we
have a God crying our for our attention, begging for us to reach out to him,
and I don’t know what could possibly be more beautiful than that.
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